The Bugs of Oklahoma
I was sitting on Aunt Fuzzy's carpet, crocheting. It was my first visit to Oklahoma. Suddenly she says, "Wendy, I don't mean to alarm you, but we've had two scorpions this year." I leap to my feet, shrieking. She laughs, "Oh, don't worry, there were only two, you're probably safe."
She found one crawling across the linoleum, and her daughter found another sitting on the sofa. How can I not be alarmed?
Later, her son Steve offers to show me the cows. She says, "Watch out for the chiggers." By now, more people are gathered in Aunt Fuzzy's living room. Her daughter and stepdaughter chime in, "Oh chiggers itch like crazy! And they make their way right up here, to your underwear elastic!" Chiggers are invisible, and they lurk in tall grass. You don't even know you have them until 24 hours later...
If you have chiggers, add 1/2 a capful of bleach to the bathtub, and soak in it. That will get rid of the chiggers, and stop the itching.
The last straw was the ticks. I'm petting her pretty dog Patsy, when Fuzzy warns me, "That dog has ticks."