Pipe Smokers
It's Good to be a Pipe Maker.
Among pipe smokers you will find the nicest people. -Tom Eltang's slogan.
Pipe smokers are a tightly knit community.
Per Creutz, a Swedish man whose ticker stopped ticking a few years ago, was advised by his doctor to "take up a non-stressful hobby." He went to Tom Eltang's house, sat down, and smoked for ten hours as a succession of kind, interesting people came by to smoke. Per loves the pipe smoking community. "The friendliest people in the world."
They are an oppressed minority. News that Belmont, California recently banned smoking in multi-unit dwellings was met with much grumbling, but no surprise. West Hollywood almost did the same thing a few years back, until someone pointed out, "Immigrants smoke more, and they would be selectively oppressed by this bill!"
The competition pipe is rumored to be an Italian spigot.
Tom Pfaeffle suspects it's a make-believe spigot with a disguised mortise and tenon joint. He explains that an actual mortise and tenon joint was found to be too weak to withstand the rigors of life in the pocket of a military man, so the spigot was invented, the pipe stem a cone that jammed into the pipe, making a sturdier connection.
Pipe smokers are masters of their arcane lore. Put two together, and they invariably pull out their pipes, exclaiming with pleased recognition, "That's a Kent Rasmussen!" "Oho, a Peter Hedegaard!" " Peter Heeschen!" "Straight grain!" Sand blast!" "Rusticated!"
Competitors are given five minutes to inspect the pipe, and thirty seconds to light it. They cannot drink anything for ten minutes afterwards, to prevent moisture from playing a role in the competition. "Can't they just drool into the pipe stem?" I wonder.
I'm in Russia, at the International Pipe Smoking Championship.
What am I doing here?!!