Dating: Chapter 4
At the checkout stand, the credit card reader states, and I quote, "Swipe Card." Does anyone else find that odd?
A sweet, long haired math geek swept me off my feet before I could get a good start on my new book, "Dating Dummies," below. However, I would like to finish the dating saga by briefly covering the last, and strangest, date.
We met at Pasta Pomodoro for lunch. He was 15 minutes late.
He was a handsome Woody Allen, sarcastic, pessimistic, and wielding a staggeringly impressive vocabulary. Bigger than mine, even. I said, right away, "You are handsome! You need to post a better picture!" He was taken aback. "I cut myself shaving this morning, and I have... this zit..."
He has a set of negative beliefs, including the belief that "Everyone on OKCupid lies in their profile." I argued with him on that one, but since I lied in my profile... <shrug> He thinks that, with a divorce rate of 55% and the high likelihood of divorce badly screwing up a kid's childhood, people are selfish to have children since the child will have a very unpleasant inner life. Having been a child of a divorce, with a slightly screwed up childhood, that opinion was a non-starter for me, and I told him so. I am happy to be alive.
Eventually I said, "You are too pessimistic for me. I am optimistic. If we touched, it would be like matter and anti-matter." He made a ribald joke based on explosions. I continued talking with him, trying to figure out whether I could pass him along to single lady friends. He dances. He wants to know if I'm saucy. He wants to know...
"Are you naughty?"
Long horrified pause. "No."
"Not even a little bit?"
"No!"
Eventually I decided that, even though he would spank Molly, she wouldn't like the annoying bits. But he might benefit from meeting people at Friday Night Waltz. He is an excellent waltzer, and I urged him to meet me on Friday on the dance floor. As we parted, he found it difficult to accept that I was not romantically interested in him, yet was inviting him out socially. He literally did not hear it until I repeated it three times, so convinced was he that he would never see me again. Sheesh.
Poor Jeff. He is not a happy man. But is he naughty?!